World's funniest joke?

[Capper]

These are pretty good, but are they really the funniest jokes in the world?

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

[PrOLifIC_onE]

They were ok. I heard the first one before and I think it was probably the funniest. It reminded me of another one:

One day two good friends were out hunting in the boonies when they came upon a poisonous snake that sprung out quickly and bit one guy right in the crotch (and I think you know where). The other hunter calls his doctor frantically. He was talking to the doctor while the other guy was screaming in pain. He explained to the docotr that his buddy was just biten by a poisonous snake and asked the doctor what he needed to do. The doctor told him that he needed to get him to an emergency room ASAP but in order to save his friends life he was going to need to place his mouth over the bite marks and try to suck as much of the poison out as possible, then spit it out. The doctor explained that if he did not do this his friend was going to die. He said, "Thank you doctor!" and hung up the cell phone.

The man with the bite said, "What did the doc say?!"

The other man said, "Well buddy, he said your gonna die."

[One4yu2c]

To answer your question, no, they're not the world's funniest jokes. That honor gets shared by these two gems:

[Death_blooms]

Those were poor

[Capper]

Those don't make me laugh Paul....its not nice to make fun of the handi-reviewers

[Death_blooms]

I dont realy like the whole thing with telling a joke. Being funny when your having a conversation is better and no that dosent include an american accent

[PrOLifIC_onE]

yeah, well the inflections and stressing certain things, are just harder to do when you type a joke. If you tell things like a story in a conversation, especially when people don't really know its a joke at first... well, those are the best...