Women Jokes

[Hitman]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
A woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
Walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
Gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[gvblake22]

Women will never be equal to men until they can
Walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
Gut, and still think they are sexy.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, nice one.

[Quakindude]

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

A classic. And one I still laugh at every time I see it.

[screwballl]

hilarious! heard most of them before but still funny

[Hitman]

WOMAN'S LOVE POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
An always be my very best friend.



MAN'S LOVE POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a ****.