joke compilation

[screwballl]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out
to someplace expensive.....

So I took her to a gas station!
``````````````````````

In our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play, enjoy the best and do
nothing much.
For the next 30 years, we work all day long, suffer and get to support
the family.
For the next 10 years, we entertain our grandchildren by making monkey
faces and monkey tricks.
And for the last 10 years, we stay at home, sit by the front door and
bark at people!
------------
I married my wife for her looks...
but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
---------
A blonde calls the Delta Airlines and asks, "can you tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York city"?

The agent replies, Just a minute . . .

"Thank you" the blonde says, and hangs up.
--
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, and wondering what she
did with her pencil.
--
A Priest lost his pet rooster and couldn't find it no matter how
many times he checked around his Parish. Frustrated, he
decided to bring it up during his Sunday Mass. From the pulpit,
he asked loudly, "Anyone got a cock?" All the men inside the
Church stood up! "No, I mean, has anyone seen a cock?"
All the women inside the Church stood up. "No, no, no...what
I mean is...has anyone seen MY cock?" All the nuns stood up!
-------
What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men usually miss them.

THE REASON WHY:
Women keep you in the dark about the location of
the first one, and they will only hint about the date
of the second one...so all that aggravation gives you
the shakes, so of course you're gonna miss the toilet!!

[Beetle Bailey]

I've got a pretty good one. At least I think so.
How do you get a proper, little old lady to say ****?








Tell the little old lady sitting next to her to yell, BINGO!