Funny Site

[Capper]

The following is a large collection of stories and anecdotes about clueless computer users. It's a baffling phenomenon that in today's society an individual, who might in other circumstances be considered smart and wise, can sit down in front of a computer screen and instantly lose every last shred of common sense he ever possessed. Complicate this phenomenon with a case of "computerphobia," and you end up with tech support personnel having phone conversations that are funny in retrospect but seem like perfectly valid motives for wild machine gun shooting sprees at the time. You will read stories in this file that will convince you that among the human race are human-shaped artichokes futilely attempting to break the highly regarded social convention that vegetables should not operate electronic equipment. And yet, amidst the vast, surging quantities of stupidity are perfectly excusable technological mishaps -- but that are amusing nonetheless. After all, even the best of us engages in a little brainless folly every once in a while.


Most of these stories are true. Some happened to me personally. Some happened to friends of mine. Some are considered urban legends, but even most of these are more likely to have happened in some form or another than not. Skeptics look at such stories and doubt their truth. But reason, common sense, and experience tell me that if you sit someone who isn't computer literate (even a smart someone) down in front of a computer, you're bound to accrue anecdotes no less outrageous than these. You'd be surprised.

Computer Stupidities

[Yellowhello]

Great link Capper, gave me a couple of good laughs!

[Pete]

Thermaltake Tech support call:

Me: Thank you for calling thermaltake, how can I help you?
Customer: I got a computer with one if your power supplies. I turn it on and nothing is happening.
Me: Please check and make sure the switch on the back of the computer is on the solid line and not the circle.
Customer: Yea, thats what I keep switching and the computer isn't turning on.
Me: Did you push the button in the front?
Customer: Hold on............ Thanks
*Click*



True story guys. I got two calls like this in the 6 months I was doing tech support.

[screwballl]

I currently work tech support plus past years in a local computer shop and have heard all sorts of strange stuff.

Me: Close that program... Ok so do you see your desktop now?
Customer: yes the computer is on the floor next to the desk
Me: no the desktop, the main picture you see when the computer starts up
Customer: No I see windows
(in other words yes they saw the desktop)
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(background: I work for an ISP and we also have a Christian internet filter software that the customer is required to keep installed per the terms and conditions. The software uses secured proxy settings so that no one can remove them except the removal keys on our side. Some customers know that we can temporarily remove it for SOME computer related issues)

Customer: I need to remove your software because it won't let my CD read the program
Me: Thats not possible, our software only deals with internet traffic, it doesn't have anything to do with other programs or disk drives or anything like that
Customer: No I need this removed because I can't install this program
Me: what program?
Customer: it doesn't matter, I need it removed.
Me: I'm sorry we cannot do that per the terms and conditions when this account was opened.
Customer: ok so cancel the account and remove this filter
Me: ok let me shut down internet access and then we can remove it
Customer: no no no I need to get to the internet, I just want this filter removed
(this goes on for at least a good 20 minutes)
Me: sorry theres nothing more I can do, its either cancel the account and remove all internet access and that filter can be removed or keep the account active with the filter and internet active.
Customer: FINE I WILL JUST GO TO THE LIBRARY TO LOOK AT PORN
*customer slams phone down*
-------------------------------------
(some years ago at the small local computer shop)
Customer brings in his tower and says his computer isn't working and he wants a refund. He brings in a brand new looking Dell.
Me: That computer is under warranty and you would need to get a hold of Dell for any support, otherwise we would have to charge to fix it.
Customer: No Dell said I can take it to any retailer for a full refund, aren't you guys a retailer?
Me: Yes we are a computer retailer, but we are not a Dell retail store
Customer: ok so refund me my money back
Me: You didn't buy it here we cannot refund you any money.
Customer: then why did Dell tell me to bring it to you?
Me: they didn't, they probably told you to either send it back to them or return it to an "Authorized Dell retailer"
Customer: oh yeah, they did say the word authorized in there somewhere
(so I proceeded to a kiosk computer with internet access and looked up the closest retailer which was 400 miles away. He bought a full computer package from us on the spot and said he was returning that other one to Dell for a refund since he knew he could get local service at this store.)
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My personal pet peeve: Person says "I got a new flat screen"
and they have an LCD/Plasma, not a "flat screen" CRT or TV

[Shack]

Dude, those wouldn't be so funny if they weren't so true.

I was working for Philips Medical in the Patient Monitoring call center when I was finishing college. This lady calls from East Podunk General Hospital and is throwing a Class-A hissy-fit. She was furious that the bp module she had did not fit in the bedside moitor. She spent considerable time calling me everything but a child of god and informing me that my parents were not married when I was conceived.

When she spluttered down, I asked her to give me the model number of the bedside and the module. Philips modelXXX for the bedside and McKesson XXX for the module. I said, "Ma'am, I cannot help you with McKesson products."

"But, this is the %#$*** number I ALWAYS call for Philips."

"Yes, ma'am, and that's why I cannot help you with McKesson equipment."

"Wait... oh..." click

Or, the guy who called for a monitor for his EKG. He didn't have a clue which EKG he had and didn't have time to go down on the ward to check - "Just send me a *&!@@ monitor."

"Sir, we have some 5 different types of monitors, all of them different. I cannot just send you 1."

"Its just a monitor, " he fumed.

So, I asked him what king of car he drove. He said, "A (insert SMALL Japanese vehicle), what's that got to do with it?"

"I drive a full size Chevy pick-up," I replied, "Do you think my transmission would be a good replacement for yours? Its just a transmission."

"Oh... I see your point."

[screwballl]

I love using and hearing automotive analogies.