Little Johnny

[Capper]

On a Friday afternoon, with only an hour left in the school week, the teacher and students are bored out of their minds.

Thinking of a way to get people excited, while doing something constructive, the teacher decides to quote famous Americans, and whoever can name the person responsible for the quote gets to go home early.

The teacher booms "Give me liberty, or give me death"......all the kids raise their hands......the teacher points to Miguel, who says "Patrick Henry!!!".

"Great job Miguel, we'll see you Monday!!!"

Next, the teacher says "I will fight no more, forever".....again, all the children raise their hands........"Juan?"

"Chief Joseph" Juan says, picking up hi books and heading out the classroom door.

From the back of the room a voice yells "Where the hell did all these Mexicans come from?"

The teacher, both shocked and angry, yells "Who said that?"

Little Johnny says "Davey Crockett, at the Alamo....see you Monday!!!"

[Capper]

Little Johnny likes to gamble.

One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.

Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."

So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."

The teacher says OK, she can handle it.

The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."

She says yes I know who you are.

Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."

The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.

She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.

That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.

So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost."

The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."

Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."

[Capper]

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

[Quakindude]

ROFLMAO! The last one was the best!

[Mithosphere]

LOL! where do you find these?

[Quakindude]

He probably gets them in emails like I do.

[Capper]

No, that was one thing about being in the military in the South.....everyone told Little Johnny Jokes

[Panda Man]

In the real south, your first little johnny joke is a little different :P

Good ones though!

[whitecree]

I've been hearing about Little Johnny all my life, and I'm not even in the US army. Or from the US. Hmmm.... methinks I smell an international conspiracy afoot.

Little Johnny is always bugging his dad about how old he has to be before he can get laid. His dad tells him to go out back to the old hickory stump, and practice on a knothole, he has to wait until he's 14 before he can have a real lay.

So, for quite a few years, LIttle Johnny went out back and practiced on a knothole in the hickory stump. Finally, his 14th birthday arrives.

True to his word, Little Johnny's dad takes him to a local house of ill-repute, introduces him to the Madam, and says he wants to buy his son his first lay.

Madam chooses one of the working gals who has experienc ewith nervous boy virgins, and sends them upstairs. About 5 minutes later, the working gal begins screaming and hollering. Surprised, Little Johnny's dad and the Madam run upstairs. They burst into the room to find a naked woman standing at the head of the bed holding a chair and attempting to fend off Little Johnny who is busy jabbing at the woman's crotch with a broomstick.

"Little Johnny" hollers his dad. "What in hell do you think you're doing?"

Little Johnny replies "Making sure that the damn squirrel doesn't try to bite me!"

[screwballl]

I heard a few johnny jokes up north but it wasn;t until I got to the SOuth eastern US that they really started flying... I will try to see if I have any in my inbox