Hangovers

[oldman_gamer]

ONE STAR HANGOVER (*)
No pain.No real feeling of illness.You're able to function relatively well however,you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way.For some reason,you are craving a steak and fries.

TWO STAR HANGOVER (**)
No pain,but something is definitely amiss.You may look okay,but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun.The coffee you are cgugging is only increasing your rumbling gut,which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00AM waffle house excursion.There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowls.

THREE STAR HANGOVER (***)
Slight headache.Stomach feels crappy.You are definitely not productive.Anytime a girl walks by, you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavoredm schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.Life would be better rite now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.You've had 4 cups of coffee,a gallon of water,3 iced teas and a diet coke---yet you haven't pissed once.

FOUR STAR HANGOVER (****)
Life sucks.Your head is throbbing.you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke.Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.You wore nice clothes,but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.Your eyes look like one big red vein,and even your hair hurts.Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm,and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

FIVE STAR HANGOVER (*****)
You have a second heart beat in your head,which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cubicle.Vodka vapor is seeping out of every poor and making you dizzy.You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get remnants of the poop fairy out.Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you.You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning.Any attempt to deficate results in a fire hose like discharge od alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater thrown in.The sole purpose of this floater seems to be to splash toilet water all over your ass.Death sounds pretty good about right now.

[screwballl]

been to the 5 star resort before but is very very rare, anymore the best I see is 2 star...

[oldman_gamer]

I dont care to remember the days of the 5*.

[Hitman]

I visit 3 often, sometimes 4 but only on the weekends.

[PTRMAN]

"No pain,but something is definitely amiss.You may look okay,but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun" - LMAO

"There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowls." Presumably you meant to type bowels, but I think bowls (as in toilet) is pretty funny too.

I had a 5 after my bachelor party - it took me 3 days of lying around puking, shitting and feeling like absolute dog shit before I started feeling human again!

Needless to say I don't do that anymore (either the getting married part or the drinking to excess part)

[screwballl]

Originally Posted by PTRMAN

Needless to say I don't do that anymore (either the getting married part or the drinking to excess part)

smart guy

[PTRMAN]

Yeah, one time each was enough to teach me what Dirty Harry said all those years ago was true (both for marriage and drinking):

"A good man knows his limitations"

[oldman_gamer]

Originally Posted by PTRMAN

Yeah, one time each was enough to teach me what Dirty Harry said all those years ago was true (both for marriage and drinking):

"A good man knows his limitations"

well Harry left out the part about knowing limitations and actually acting upon that knowledge.

[PTRMAN]

I've found that sometimes you have to run up against the wall before you know where the wall is.