Funny Story from Iraq

[simple_inhibition]

my friend sent me this. thought you all might enjoy it a bit

Subject: The Surreal Call to USAA Insurance

One of my sergeants sent this to me. The guy who sent it to him was his platoon leader in his last assignment. He does his own blog, but I did not ask for the URL. Given the challenges you have experienced over the phone with all sorts of big companies, I figured you would get a big kick out of this.

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The Surreal USAA Phone Call - Current mood: amuses
I called USAA Insurance claims earlier today to file a claim for my camera. It's a kickass camera too, a Canon PowerShot SD 450. I've had that camera since last Christmas, whence my parents bequeathed it to me in order to capture footage of this mystical middleastern environ known as Iraq. That being considered, I was quite annoyed to find that it was irreparably damaged...well it's not in tiny bits and pieces, but the screen is cracked. Anything else, I would have just sucked it up and bought a new one, but for a $250 camera? Well, somebody's gotta pay for it, and I'll be damned if it's going to be me!

I was fortunate enough to get through to a USAA (whom I use for Auto and property insurance as well as banking) representative with no wait. The nice lady on the other end asked me what I needed to file a claim for.

"Yes, my digital camera was damaged three days ago beyond repair, I need to file a claim for it."
"No problem sir...Okay, so can you tell me how it was damaged."
"Sure, it got hit by a rocket propelled grenade three days ago."

Silence. Not unexpected to say the least, but I still found humorous the mental image of a woman on the other end of the phone in shocked quiet, her brain struggling to grasp what I told her.

"Uhm...could you say that again please?"
"Yes, it got hit by a rocket propelled grenade. I'm in Iraq right now."

Granted, I could have told her that up front, but I decided to let her wrestle with the idea of somebody in Average, US, having a camera destroyed by a random rocket propelled weapon. But then again, for all she knew I could have been in Detroit.

"Ah, I see...soo, it got hit by a rocket...propelled....grenade?"
"Yeah. I'm on a tank see, and we were out on a mission, we got attacked, and the RPG hit the stowage box that I had my camera in. It didn't shatter it or anything, it just broke the LCD screen."

"I see...okay, let me get this form started...so you are in Iraq...which city?"
"Ramadi."
"How do you spell that?"
Ahhh, a mental genius. If she's ugly, then I'd say there's a 100% chance of her being single, as nobody dates girls that are stupid AND ugly. Except maybe perpetual drunkards.

"Yeah. R-A-M-A-D-I."
"Okay...and do you have a street that this occurred on?"

Wow. How to answer this one. I could just tell her, but then again the names we have for streets here are hardly official, and she sure as hell wouldn't be able to pull out a Frommer's and look up where "Michigan" is on the Ramadi map. I'd have to send her a copy of the city map graphics we have, which happen to be classified, for her to believe me saying "Why yes ma'am, it happened at the intersection of 'Durka' road and 'Dumb SXXX alley...I'm sorry, I meant 'SXXX Creek' alley, I always get those confused."&nb sp; However, since she holds the key towards me getting a camera that I don't have to pay for, I opt to curtail my standard smartass antics. That and not having footage of her facial expression just didn't make it worth it.

"Yeah...the streets here don't really have actual names. We give them code names and stuff, but there aren't any official street names. That won't be a problem, right?"

"No sir not at all...okay...lets see, damage caused by...hmmm...what should I put here..."
I offer my assistance. "Enemy fire, maybe?"
"Ohh, that works. Okay, enemy fire. And party responsible...Hmmm....did you manage to get the name of the person that fired the rocket at your tank?"

Times like these really try my better nature. As much as I wanted to say something witty like "Why yes I did, his name was Bob. Bob the Insurgent. Not to be confused with Bob the Bombmaker or Bob the Beheader. Just Bob the Insurgent." As for that question, what the hell is that? Like I'm going to stop my tank, get out of my 68 ton rolling sanctuary, walk over to the hadji, and then say "Excuse me good sir, but that rocket you fired damaged my digital camera, which I must assume you had no intention of doing. Would you mind giving me your insurance information so that I may promptly file a claim?" "Why yes mistah! My name is Ahkmed AbdullahDurkaAkbar, and I live at 1352 Dumb Shit Road!"
Again, I must suppress my base urges in exchange for a payoff.

"Uh...no ma'am, we weren't able to catch the name of the guy who shot it at us, but he's no longer among us."
"Oh..."
Wait for it...wait for it...
"...OH!"

Yes, that's right. He shot an RPG at me and broke my camera, so I killed the prick. Don't judge me.
"Yes, but unfortunately I don't have a name that I can give you."

"Oh, that's okay sir...that's quite okay, I assure y ou." It's funny how people's attitudes change once they realize that they're talking to somebody that's had to kill people. It's not like I'd shoot her (unless of course she has the new Air Jordans, which are always worth killing over), so her apprehension was misplaced. "Okay sir, it's been sent to the claims adjusters, they should be emailing you within a few working days."

"No problem, thanks for your help. Quick question though."
"Yes sir?"
"You don't get a lot of calls like this, do you?"
"No...why?"


Yeah. I could tell. But at least I'll be getting a new camera now.

[screwballl]

that is hilarious..... love how they try to use a typical response to an atypical situation

[Tech Geek Deluxe]

Thats hilarious!

[Hitman]

HaHa, Why didn't I think of that for my laptop that caught an AK round.

[Quakindude]

Originally Posted by Hitman

HaHa, Why didn't I think of that for my laptop that caught an AK round.

No kidding!!! I was thinking the same damned thing. I shoulda filed a claim for my HP that had an AK round stuck in it. And the computer bag that had 4 or 5 rounds through it. I lost my only install disk of Decent in that one. I also wanted to file a claim against HP for one of their batteries leaking out due to bullet fragments and causing damage to my mouse.

[Dread]

I kept picturing the poor ladies expressions in my head, made it even funnier.

"...he's no longer among us." <- Now that shits funny!

[halutzparilla]

no shit man this story is funny, and imagine she is in call center either somewhere in Asia or Northern America...

[Hitman]

Originally Posted by halutzparilla

no shit man this story is funny, and imagine she is in call center either somewhere in Asia or Northern America...

AFAIK, USAA call centers are only in the US, and the UK. I have USAA for the past 10 years and they are a great insurance company.

[PTRMAN]

"Uh...no ma'am, we weren't able to catch the name of the guy who shot it at us, but he's no longer among us."
"Oh..."
Wait for it...wait for it...
"...OH!"


That's really funny!

[gvblake22]

Originally Posted by PTRMAN

"Uh...no ma'am, we weren't able to catch the name of the guy who shot it at us, but he's no longer among us."
"Oh..."
Wait for it...wait for it...
"...OH!"


That's really funny!

HAHAHAHAHA
Yep, that's about where I couldn't contain my laughter anymore either!